


Float

by JennaLee



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:08:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22155292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JennaLee/pseuds/JennaLee
Summary: Arin was willing to do a lot of things for Dan. He was willing to shove all of his stupid fucking feelings way down where they would never be spoken of again, not even in his dreams - he was willing to pretend that he didn’t hear Dan’s throaty moan in his head when he jerked off in the shower, that he wasn’t thinking of Dan’s artless angles and corners, his almost delicate waist, the curve of his back when he was laid out on Arin’s floor. Nothing was more important than Dan’s friendship, which Arin was willing to walk over blazing coals for. But this - refusing to even acknowledge what had happened - it was too much.
Relationships: Dan Avidan/Arin Hanson
Comments: 34
Kudos: 324





	Float

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nernball](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nernball/gifts).



> This is a commissioned work! Hit me up at j-lyn on tumblr for further details on commissions.

The recording session was supposed to start around five, but Dan called ahead and told Arin that he was stopping for coffee and food first and not to expect him until five-thirty.

“I’m tired and I’m jetlagged and I’m gonna die if I don’t have coffee,” was how Dan put it, which was a fair argument. Their new kitchen was almost set up, and the old coffee maker was there, but nobody had done a grocery run in a while so there was no coffee to make. 

Dan did look tired when he finally showed up. Arin could see the effects of his recent bout with the flu written all over his rugged, unshaven face. But when he saw Arin, he lit up and smiled, and somehow he didn’t look so rough anymore. 

“Fuckin’ missed you, man,” Dan said, muffled as he hugged Arin and pressed his face into Arin’s shoulder, and yeah, Arin could totally do a three hour session even with a game he didn’t particularly like.

It had been two weeks since he’d seen Dan last, and that was just about two weeks too many. They’d been busy - family stuff, mostly. Christmas and Hanukkah. Dan had spent most of his time split between his sister’s place and his parents’ and Arin was in Florida with Suzy’s family. During the daytime, the full house kept him busy, kept from thinking too much about home. But in the evenings, when everyone began to retire to bed, Arin would pull out his phone and see a text from Dan that made his stomach tighten briefly. It was usually something stupid, a dated meme or some other viral image that Arin had seen before. Sometimes it was a selfie that was intended to be silly but ended up coming out cute like half the selfies on his Instagram. In return Arin would send back a selfie of his own, making the most grotesque face that he could to make Dan laugh out loud. 

As hectic as their work schedules were, with touring and writing and recording, Arin would always find himself yearning for home by the end of his vacations. He missed LA. He didn‘t feel like a local anymore in Florida, if he ever had. He missed his awesome workplace, his own house, his cats. And he missed Dan. 

Just having Dan next to him helped keep Arin going. But after three full episodes, when the game started to wear on Arin’s nerves, he decided enough was enough.

“I need a break,” Arin said, and flung the controller down on the floor. He tried to lay himself straight back, but then Dan moved, un-tucking his legs and stretching them out in front of him, and it made Arin start to slide to the side. It was too much effort to try and sit up again, so Arin just went with it, letting himself control-fall until his head clunked down on Dan’s shoulder.

“Ow,” Arin said placidly.

“Ow?”

“Your shoulder is like, straight bone.”

“I’ll show you straight bone.”

“Thought yours curved up.”

It took Dan a second, but then his shoulder shook with his laugh. Arin made a muffled noise of complaint as he was jostled around, so Dan shifted his arm and pushed Arin’s head down to rest in his lap. “Want me to get you a pillow? I think I can reach one.”

“Nah, this is good. This is fine.” Arin wriggled and adjusted himself until one of Dan’s skinny little thighs was nudged under his neck just right. “Aaah. I’m just gonna close my eyes for five minutes.”

“Don’t fall asleep.”

“I’m not gonna fall asleep,” Arin said indignantly. “I’m just gonna close my eyes.”

“Okay,” Dan said doubtfully, but Arin could tell that he was smiling.

They both went quiet. The computers were whirring faintly, a hum that Arin found more soothing than absolute silence. Dan kept mostly still. Arin could hear him tapping around on his phone, maybe texting his friends or checking his email or just fucking around. He could tell that Dan was putting effort into not jiggling his foot around like he normally did while idle. Arin appreciated it. A little smile tugged at his mouth.

“Still with me?” Dan asked after a short time had passed.

“Mmhmm.”

“You gotta get up soon, big cat.”

“Yeah?”

“Someone’s gotta finish this game.”

“Five more minutes.”

“Okay.” Dan scritched at Arin’s head lightly with his short fingernails. Arin immediately groaned and pushed himself further into Dan’s lap. “Dude, fuck yeah, that feels so good.”

“Does it?” Dan sounded pleased. He slid his fingers down to the nape of Arin’s neck, pushing through the hair to get his nails on the skin. Arin hissed a little - it was more sensitive there than on the top of his head - but he didn’t mind, not really. Dan hummed and eased off, moving his way up again, and when he was done Arin tipped his head back to look up at him.

Arin had meant to say _thanks, dude_ or something along those lines, figuring Dan was done. But instead Dan seemed to take the movement as an invitation. He started to push his fingers into Arin’s hair again, starting from his forehead, with his fingertips pressed down. As he moved through Arin’s hair, he tilted his hand and let his nails drag. 

“Is this a hint?” Arin asked with his eyes closed. “Are you angling for a head massage too? Because fuck, man, this feels great. I could totally do it on you.”

“If you want. I wasn’t trying to ask for anything.” Dan smoothed Arin’s hair back into place. “I just wanted you to feel good.”

Arin could roll with that. “Well I fuckin’ owe you one.”

“A massage?” Dan’s laugh made his thighs shake. He kept stroking Arin’s head. “Yeah, sure. I mean, I guess.”

“Whenever you need one, just ask.” Arin’s eyelids drooped. Fuck if he didn’t feel boneless, his insides turned to warm liquid. That was kind of a disgusting way to put it, but Arin couldn’t think of any better way to describe it. Relaxed, but so _warm_ , his skin prickling and tingling all over. He shivered, fuck, he couldn’t help it, and Dan’s hand kind of froze for an instant before he continued, softer now.

Arin just basked in it, eyes closed, until Dan either grew tired or bored of petting him. “Good?” Dan asked, and Arin managed a nod. Dan left his arm there, sitting lightly across Arin’s neck, with one elbow resting on Arin’s side to support the weight. Arin could smell something sharp and sweet, and when he nosed at Dan’s wrist, Dan jumped.

“Are you wearing cologne?” Arin asked lazily.

“What? Um, yeah, I am.”

“What is it?”

“Fuck if I know. It’s one of those little samples. My sister gave me a bunch when I went home for Hanukkah. Her company was doing this thing about beauty trends. You know, like rating the top perfumes or whatever. They got sent a bunch of samples to try.” Dan laughed. “Do you, um, like it?”

“Yeah, actually. S’nice. Suits you.” 

“Thanks, man.” Dan moved his hand, curving it to the side to loosely cup Arin’s jaw. His fingertips brushed up high on Arin’s cheekbone, and the tingly feeling came back with a vengeance. Arin drew a shuddery breath and turned his head into the touch.

Dan didn’t say anything else. He usually didn’t when they expressed affection like this. Maybe that was a good thing. Arin thought there was something tender about the silence. It was like the way they never joked anymore when they ended up cuddling on the Grump couch. It was always just like this. Comfortable. 

Years ago, it wasn’t this easy. They’d always been close, but Dan would lighten the mood with a giggle or make a token complaint that he didn’t really mean. They’d done skits that demanded it, like the one from years ago where they were ‘asleep’ on the couch together with Arin’s face practically in Dan’s ass. It was always preceded and followed by laughter. It was a joke. Dan had to insist on saying it as if someone might accuse him of anything else.

Somewhere along the way, that rule had disappeared.

“Gonna finish the game?” Dan asked. He didn’t sound particularly concerned.

“Soon.”

“Alright,” Dan said easily. He almost sounded relieved.

And Arin thought, _this is what home feels like._

**

Two days later, Arin was back into the groove. He managed to unpack all of his shit that he’d brought with him for Christmas, washed all his dirty laundry, and split the household chores with Suzy. They stopped eating fast food and stocked up their cupboards again. And after a movie marathon, late that night, Arin called Dan and said, “Wanna come to the gym with me tomorrow?”

Dan drove them both. The workout was great. The aftermath, not so much. They skipped the crowded gym showers and dragged themselves back to Arin’s house, groaning and complaining, and laughing at each other.

“Fuck,” Dan groaned, rolling his shoulders. “Remind me to never skip arm day for three weeks again.”

“Fuck,” Arin agreed. His arms weren’t the problem, but his thighs were burning and his abs felt fucking bruised. “You really pushed yourself though, that was crazy.”

“I don’t usually try that much weight,” Dan admitted.

“Showing off, huh?”

Dan laughed that off, but Arin thought his face had gone a little red. “Just trying to keep up with you, you fucking beast.”

“Well,” Arin said, trying not to think about the way his stomach went all tight when he looked at Dan stretching his arms over his head, “I did promise to return the favour from the other day.”

“Not sure a head rub will help, Ar’.”

“I could rub your shoulders or something instead. I’ve been told I’m pretty good at it.”

Dan’s arms came down. He tugged his shirt back into place and shook out his hair. “Is that possible, on the couch like this?”

Arin opened his mouth to say _we could go upstairs, on my bed_ but the words stuck in his throat and made his ears go warm. “You could lie on the floor. On the rug.” 

Dan looked at the floor, and then at Arin’s hands.

“Dude, come on. It’ll be awesome, I promise.” Arin grinned and wiggled his fingers. “You know you want to.”

Dan laughed. “Yeah, alright, it’ll probably help.” He threw one of the pillows onto the floor and then awkwardly sank down to his knees. Arin grabbed his glass of water and took a messy gulp as Dan crawled into the middle of the floor and flopped down onto his stomach, his head supported on the pillow. 

“Should I leave my shirt on?” Dan asked into the pillow.

“Whatever you want.”

“It’s kind of warm in here,” Dan said, but didn’t move. “You have the heat on or what?”

Arin didn’t think it felt particularly warm, but maybe that was just him. “Then take your shirt off.”

“If you want.” Abruptly, Dan sat up. His shirt came up and over his head. Despite his claim that he was warm, his arms were all prickly with goosebumps. Arin caught a sudden scent, the same sweet foresty kind of smell from the other day. Dan was wearing the same cologne, lightly applied. Arin wondered when he’d started wearing it on the regular. Dan wasn’t one to spend a lot of time on grooming. He was pretty sure Dan wouldn’t think to do anything special just to go to the gym, especially when they usually showered after.

Arin shook the thought out of his mind - it didn’t matter. He’d promised Dan a massage, and he was going to deliver. It was something he always liked doing for Suzy. 

“Alright, Avidan,” Arin said, getting down on the floor next to Dan. His hip banged against the coffee table. “Ah, fuck me.”

“You okay, big cat?” Dan asked, muffled. “That sounded like it hurt.”

“You can kiss it better once I’m done with you.” Arin swung a leg over Dan’s thighs and braced himself on his knees, not wanting to crush Dan with his full weight.

“Oh,” Dan said in surprise, and then laughed again. “Okay, yeah, hi.”

“Hi yourself. This is alright, yeah? I can’t get any leverage if I‘m sitting next to you, or something.”

“Yeah. I - this is a little weird, but sure.” Dan’s laugh shook Arin. “You’re sitting on me.”

“Barely.” Arin rubbed his hands down Dan’s back along either side of his spine. His skin was hot to the touch, pale and smooth, his shoulders sprinkled with tiny sparse freckles. There was a pinky-white scar on his left shoulder blade and red indentations from where his belt had dug into his skin. Arin pushed his hands back up, firm enough to flatten Dan into the floor.

“Holy shit,” Dan blurted out.

“Too hard?” 

Dan stretched his arms out in front of him. His back heaved with his deep breaths. “No, it’s good, just - I didn’t think you’d go all in like this. You’re fucking strong.”

“I barely did anything,” Arin said, ridiculously pleased at the compliment. He moved his hands back up again, heading for Dan’s shoulders where the muscles felt the tightest. Everything felt so taut and sore, and even the lightest press of Arin’s fingers made Dan gasp. Still, he didn’t complain, and after a few minutes Arin felt him start to yield to his touch. He’d been trying to hold still, but now he moved with the force of Arin’s touch, and it was easier for Arin to hit his stride.

“You’re good at this,” Dan said like he was surprised. “It feels like - you remember when we got massages together in Hawaii?”

“Hell yeah, that was awesome.”

“You’re better than that lady who went to school for this. Instead of paying someone else I’m just gonna hire you as my personal masseuse. Make this a pre-sesh ritual every time we have to record for more than two hours.”

“That’s what we need for the new office. A massage table.” 

“Put it in my office,” Dan said, and then, “Ah - ” He sucked in a breath as Arin found a spot in his neck that felt like a rock under his skin. “Fuck.”

Arin eased off. “Does it hurt?”

“It’s supposed to hurt. That’s how you know you’re - _ah._ ” Dan hissed again. “That’s how you know you’re really getting the knots out.”

“But I don’t want to hurt you.” 

“No, it’s - it’s - holy _shit_ , Arin, right there, that’s the - fuck! Jesus, no, don’t stop, I’m fine, just - _wow._ ”

Arin snorted laughter. He was feeling almost tipsy, that warm glow he got when he had a rumchata or two. “Maybe the massage table can go somewhere else, dude. Otherwise our employees will get the wrong idea of what you’re up to in your office.”

“What do you mean?”

“It kind of sounds like we’re doing something else in here.”

Dan didn’t reply to that. Maybe he was too busy trying to keep quiet. He shifted his head, turning it to the side so Arin could see him pressing his lips together. His brow was creased with concentration. Arin kept working at his shoulders, angling to hear more feedback, but Dan’s jaw worked and he said nothing. 

A little spark jumped. Arin didn’t want Dan to keep quiet. He dropped some of his weight onto Dan, all the better to gain leverage, and dug his palms into the meaty part of Dan’s lower back.

“Aaah - ” Dan’s eyes flew open. “Arin!”

“What?”

“Give a guy some warning before you - fuck - ”

“Here’s your warning,” Arin said, feeling hugely pleased with himself. “I’m gonna rock your fucking world, dude.”

Arin fell into a pattern, squeezing and manipulating the muscles below each shoulder blade and working his way down to Dan’s lower back. Dan let out a deep groan as Arin put his hands together and worked his way to Dan’s sides, just over the swell of his hips. Dan was so lean, but there was some give there, and Arin’s fingers made little dents in his skin that turned to pink marks when he pulled away. The exertion of it was making Arin warm now, too. The air was thick and stifling. Arin felt a bead of sweat form at his hairline and drip down his forehead. He brushed it away, then pushed Dan’s hair off his neck. Dan’s hair didn’t move like Arin’s did, though, and most of it bounced right back. 

“God,” Dan said, tipping his head forward. His hands, outstretched in front of him, stretched and flexed. Arin’s eyes followed the movement. The small muscles in Dan’s arms were taut and defined. “Fuck yes.”

“Pretty awesome, huh?” Arin said breathlessly. “You like this?”

“Mmm, _yes._ ” All of Dan’s laughter and jokes were gone, like he’d finally let down his guard. He moaned again when Arin bent to use his forearms to really get in deep, and it reverberated through his back and through Arin’s arms.

Suddenly Dan moved his hips, lifting his ass so that it pressed against Arin’s stomach. Something stuck in Arin’s throat.

“Am I squishing you?” Arin thought to ask. He didn’t mean to whisper, but his mouth was so close to Dan’s ear. He still didn’t have his whole weight on Dan, but they were pressed together more firmly than Arin had intended. 

“It’s fine,” Dan mumbled back. “Just getting comfortable. My knees, they’re - they were - ”

“Okay,” Arin breathed. “Just, say something if it’s too much.”

“Yeah.” Dan gasped as Arin laid his weight across his forearms, grinding them in a circle. Arin liked that reaction so much that he did it again, lower down, and lower still, right where Dan’s waist narrowed. When he straightened up again, intending on continuing with his hands, Dan shifted beneath him and threw him off balance. He grabbed onto Dan’s hips to steady himself, pushing down harder than he’d intended, and Dan let out a choked cry that pierced the fog creeping into Arin’s head.

“Are you - ” Arin started, and Dan blurted, “No” too fast. Startled, Arin blinked, and finished the sentence. “Are you okay?”

Dan went silent. He turned his face into the pillow but Arin could see the flush creeping over his neck.

“I’m okay,” Dan finally said. “I didn’t mean to - ”

“What did you think I was asking?”

“Nothing. Just, don’t stop, it’s okay.”

Arin was starting to feel more than a little wild, on edge. He didn’t like what he was hearing in Dan’s voice. Dan rarely lied, because he was terrible at it, and Arin could always fucking tell. “You thought I was asking something else.”

“Arin,” Dan started, and then Arin squeezed at a tight spot on his shoulder. “Arin,” he said again, this time as a moan, and he shifted his hips again. It felt intentional. It felt -

“Don’t,” Arin said, his voice catching. Dan’s ass was tensing, and with the way Arin was sitting now, it was rubbing into Arin’s crotch. And Arin’s body had suddenly decided that it really, _really_ liked what was happening here. Red-faced, Arin tried to subtly lift his hips, wondering how the fuck he was going to adjust himself without it being obvious, and then it hit him like a fucking brick wall when he saw Dan doing the same.

“Dan, you’re - are you - ” He couldn’t say it.

“Fuck,” Dan said back, his voice strained, pleading. “I didn’t mean - ”

“It’s okay,” Arin was breathing so hard he was nearly panting. “Don’t, you don’t have to - it’s just - it’s okay.”

For a few moments they were silent. Arin’s blood was roaring in his ears and he could feel Dan’s heart beating fast. He moved one hand to Dan’s neck and felt the pulse there, hard and strong beneath his fingertips. Dan’s hair hid his face, and Arin couldn’t see him, and Dan couldn’t see Arin either, and somehow that was making this easier to deal with - whatever _this_ was, this tension between them, like something that had lain dormant for years suddenly bursting into flame. Arin’s hand curled around Dan’s neck, unintentional, maybe, and Dan let out a whimper that sent Arin from half mast to full fucking boner. _Christ._

“Oh my God,” Arin said out loud, thickly. He would never squeeze hard, would never hurt Dan, but he wanted to hear that fucking sound again, so he slid his hand further around Dan’s neck and tightened his grip until he could feel Dan shudder, feel the way he choked on a strangled breath. This time, when Dan rutted his hips forward, there was no mistaking the movement. 

“What are you,” Dan started, pleading, and then, “ _Arin_ \- ”

Arin had let go of his throat, feeling dizzy with the intensity of what he was doing. Dan started to turn, to get one hand under him, and suddenly Arin didn’t want him to get up - didn’t want to give either of them the chance to look each other in the eye and admit what was happening. Arin wasn’t ready, and he knew Dan wasn’t ready, and fuck, if they looked at each other Arin was going to either bolt or kiss that stupid sensual mouth - or - or pin him to the floor with all his weight and feel what Dan was so desperately trying to hide. 

“Stay still,” Arin said roughly, and pushed Dan’s shoulder back down to the floor. Dan went easily, not resisting at all. He moved like a rag doll under Arin’s strength, and fuck, it was doing something to Arin’s stomach, making him feel all charged up and wild.

Arin held Dan by the shoulders, face down on the floor, unsure of what he wanted to do, unsure of what he should say. The moment felt so precarious, so fleeting, that Arin didn’t want to speak for fear of breaking this - whatever this was. Instead, he ran his hands down Dan’s back again, harder than he’d ever dared touch Dan before, and this time he didn’t stop when he got to the waistband of Dan’s shorts. He kept going, just as firm, sliding up and over the curve of Dan’s ass, and it was so fucking addictive that he had to do it again. 

“Fuck,” Dan choked out, humping forward again, and Arin squeezed his handful of ass and pressed down, grinding him into the floor. 

Arin was in over his head. He was absolutely fucked. Dan’s fingers were grabbing handfuls of the rug, knuckles white, arms tense, and his ass fit perfectly in Arin’s hands. Arin’s cock was shoved up against his zipper, hot and heavy and throbbing, and he had to let go of Dan to palm himself. 

Dan’s back went tense. “Are you - ”

“Fuck,” Arin bit out, cutting him off. “Just - ” He collapsed onto one elbow, panting, his mouth hovering over the jut of Dan’s shoulder. The scent of Dan’s cologne, pine and petrichor, the earthier scent of his deodorant and sweat mingled - the sound of Dan’s panting, filthy and intimate and wonderful - it was too much, it wasn’t enough, it was - fuck, Arin was going to come.

Arin dropped all his weight on top of Dan, giving in, giving up and grinding himself into the back of Dan’s thigh. Dan wriggled underneath him, too weak to go anywhere with Arin pinning him down. When he realized that he was helpless, he shuddered, and suddenly his entire body went tight. When Arin realized what was happening, his head started to spin, and it didn’t take long before he was coming in his pants like a fucking teenager, his dick wedged up between Dan’s thighs.

When it was over Arin was gasping for breath, like he’d woken up from a dream. He felt gross and sweaty and tacky in his jeans. Dan’s back gleamed with a faint sheen of sweat. He waited for Dan to roll over, for their eyes to meet, picturing Dan giving him a smile, or something - anything - to show that he’d enjoyed what just happened. 

Arin had certainly enjoyed it - although - if he had to be honest - this wasn’t at all how he would have wanted this to go. If he’d been thinking about it in some dark corner of his mind. Which he hadn’t been, of course. 

Dan lifted his head slowly from the floor, without looking at Arin.

“Are you okay?” were the first words out of Arin’s mouth, and his stomach gave a sickening swoop when Dan didn’t answer. “Dan?”

“What,” Dan started, sounding hoarse. And then, almost to himself, “What the _fuck._ ”

Arin wanted to hug him, but he didn’t. He patted clumsily around on the floor until he found Dan’s shirt. “Here,” he said hurriedly, and when Dan didn’t turn around Arin tossed it gently into his lap. Dan snatched it with a shaky hand and pulled it over his head, backward. 

Something had gone terribly wrong. Arin felt even more disgusting than before. His usual post-orgasm bliss was nowhere to be found. He reached for Dan’s shoulder, needing the contact, but Dan curled in on himself and Arin took his hand away. That cut to the bone. 

“It doesn’t have to - ” Arin started, jerkily, searching for the words. “It was just a massage, okay?” _It doesn’t have to be anything more than that, unless you want it to._

“Yeah,” Dan said tonelessly.

“It’s okay,” Arin told him desperately. “Hey - hey. Dan. Look at me.”

Dan stood up suddenly, leaving Arin on the floor, and said, “I gotta - I gotta go. Bathroom. ”

“Yeah,” Arin said, watching Dan’s eyes slide away from his. “Yeah, okay, of course.”

“Can I take a shower?”

“Yeah, go ahead.”

Dan nodded jerkily. He stumbled over his feet getting to the door. Arin listened to his footsteps going up the stairs, around the corner, and then the sound of the bathroom door closing and latching. 

Arin went to his downstairs half-bathroom and cleaned up as much as he could. He took off his underwear and threw it straight in the washer. Then he spent twenty very uncomfortable, sticky minutes sitting on the edge of the couch, coming down from his rush of adrenaline and mentally preparing himself for the very awkward talk that was about to ensue. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t somewhat hopeful - but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t scared as hell. 

The sensation of Dan’s bare skin beneath his palms lingered. Arin could still see the faint scar on Dan’s shoulder. He’d have to ask Dan, sometime, how he got it…

From the bathroom, the shower stopped. Arin’s heart stopped for a minute, too. 

It took Dan a long time to come back downstairs. “Are you okay?” Arin asked him when he didn’t speak.

“Yeah. I’m cool.”

An uncomfortable silence descended, like a wall between them. Arin was thrown off balance by it. He’d never felt this way with Dan before - like he had to be careful of what to say, like what they had could be broken. 

“I didn‘t mean for that to happen,” Arin said after the longest pause of his life. “It wasn’t - I just wanted to make you feel good, you know?”

“Yeah,” Dan said carefully. “The massage, it was…it was good, Arin. Thanks.”

Arin waited for something else. But Dan said nothing. Arin exhaled, going into damage control mode. “If you don’t want to do that again - ”

Dan cut him off. “It was fine. Just a massage, yeah?”

It wasn’t like Dan at all to sound so blank. Arin felt a brief flash of disappointment, followed by frustration, but he swallowed both back. The last thing he wanted to do was push Dan too hard. He was still processing what had happened. Hell, so was Arin. He could hardly fault Dan for being a little shell-shocked.

“We can talk about it later,” Arin said softly, thinking that would help - but instead, Dan went tense and stood up.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” he said roughly. “We should get to work.”

“You’re not in today,” Arin said, perhaps insensitively. “Unless you want - I mean, I have that meeting at one o‘clock, but after that - ”

“Right.” Dan shook his head. “I forgot about your meeting.”

“I don’t think I told you about it.”

“Right,” Dan said again. He ran a hand through his wet hair.

“You told me something about shooting with Brian later?” 

“Did I? Yeah, that sounds right.”

“Dan, are you sure you’re okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Dan made his face do something that was kind of like a smile. “I should probably get going.”

“That’s fine,” Arin said quietly instead. “I’ll see you soon, yeah?” Forgetting himself, Arin stepped forward for their usual hug, and something in his chest shattered and broke when Dan stepped away deftly and gave him a fist bump instead.

“See you,” Dan echoed, and for a second Arin was sure he saw Dan’s smile tremble. 

But then it was gone, and so was Dan.

**

The next few days were tense. Arin did all the things he normally did, talking and laughing and working like usual, but it felt like something was missing. It wasn’t Dan’s presence, because Dan wasn’t in the office every day. It wasn’t even the lack of messages, because Dan wasn’t the kind of guy who was glued to his phone. Under normal circumstances Arin could easily go a week without hearing from Dan, and that didn’t bother him at all, because he was used to it.

Now, though, it was different. 

Arin told Suzy some of what had happened. That was hard. Not because he was hiding anything, but because Arin wasn’t at all sure what had happened anymore. It had the quality of a dream. Arin couldn’t precisely remember when the massage had turned into - whatever it had turned into - and he couldn’t remember when either of them had agreed to keep going. Arin had the odd feeling that they hadn’t managed to speak a full sentence to each other the entire time they were…whatever they were doing.

Days later, all Arin could remember was the way Dan bent to his touch and the way he’d gasped when Arin pushed him down.

Suzy made him spaghetti with butter and cheese and told Arin that everything would be okay. Maybe it was just an empty platitude, but it was all she could offer. She was just as puzzled as Arin was, although perhaps that had something to do with the way Arin told the story. To protect Dan’s privacy he’d left out a few key details. 

Again, it wasn’t because Arin was hiding anything. Years and years ago, Suzy had convinced Arin that she wasn’t at all angry or opposed to Arin having feelings for Dan - and she wasn’t the type to change her mind. And Suzy could read between the lines - she understood what had happened, why it was tearing Arin up so much.

Arin wondered if Dan had told anybody. Somehow, he didn’t think so. That just made Arin feel worse. He didn’t like to think about Dan having to go through some internal panic all by himself.

But Dan looked fine when Arin saw him next. He showed up to their Monday meeting looking like himself, smiling at everyone, sitting between Brent and Brian on the couch as if nothing had ever happened.

He didn’t make eye contact with Arin, though. Arin didn’t think anyone noticed, except for Ross, who gave Dan a puzzled look and then glanced at Arin curiously. 

Arin gave a quick, sharp shake of his head, and Ross didn’t say anything when Dan was quick to be the first one out of the room after the meeting was over.

**

Arin had to do something.

The door to the office that Dan and Brian shared - at least for the time being, Arin didn’t even fucking know what the end result of the new space planning project was supposed to be - was closed. Doors were rarely closed in the Grump space, unless they were recording, or unless it was Ross’s office where he was halfway through an eighteen hour energy drink-fuelled animation bender wearing nothing but his underwear, which was more common than a lot of their employees knew. “It’s my process,” he would insist if Arin asked, which he had stopped doing a long time ago.

Arin stared at the closed door for a long time before realizing that it was kind of creepy. He didn’t know if Dan had heard him approach - he still didn’t know the ins and outs of this new place, like how the sound carried - but if he had, then this conversation was about to go from awkward to downright humiliating. 

So he raised his hand and knocked twice, trying for casual.

“Come in,” Dan called, his voice carefully neutral.

Arin pushed the door open. Dan’s back was to him. That was okay, that was just the way his desk faced, and Dan was working. They hadn’t gotten his desktop computer set up yet and it was still in boxes in the corner of the room. Dan was writing with a ballpoint pen in a notebook with his phone next to him.

When he didn’t turn around Arin almost slunk away, but then he noticed the one desk decoration Dan had bothered to unpack. It was the stupid little clay bowl that Arin had given him - he had gone to a few pottery lessons with Suzy as a cute date idea, and they’d gotten to sculpt and glaze some of their own pieces. Dan was using it to store his little throat lozenges, the ones he’d been carrying around as he got over the remnants of the flu that had put him out for more than a week. God, he’d given the dumb thing to Dan, what, four years ago? And Dan had always kept it where he could see it.

Something about that gave Arin courage.

“Danny,” he said, and Dan’s pen stopped moving. “Can we talk?”

Dan shrugged one shoulder. “What’s up.”

“You know what’s up.” Arin took a step into the room. “Should we…I don’t know…talk about what happened the other day?”

The lines of Dan’s body went rigid. “I don’t know, should we?”

“We should,” Arin said, wishing he sounded more confident. “I don’t know why we haven’t already, but - ”

“Because I’m busy, Arin.” There was an edge to Dan’s voice that Arin rarely heard. “I don’t always have time to hang out.”

“I think this is important,” Arin insisted, but gently.

“Well, I’m - I’m just - I’m really behind, okay? Being sick sucked, and now all my stuff got moved and I don’t know where it is, and you know Brian and I have been working on that thing and I’m trying to write lyrics - ”

“Okay,” Arin interrupted. It came out way too harsh, and he softened his tone. “Okay, I understand. I just thought - you’ve been distant, and I think it’s because of what we did.” He swallowed. “Dan, listen, I can’t - ”

“Don’t,” Dan said, soft but clear.

Another awkward silence fell. The scratching of Dan’s pen was going to drive Arin up the fucking wall.

“Look,” Arin finally broke, “this is stupid, okay? Fucking, no homo or whatever you want me to say. It was just a stupid heat of the moment thing. It didn’t mean anything. We won’t talk about it ever again. I’m sorry.”

Dan’s ballpoint pen suddenly tore through the paper. He sucked in a breath through his teeth and said, “Yeah, fine, me too.”

“Good,” Arin said, except it wasn’t. His stomach was still tight and it didn’t feel like they’d gotten anywhere. “You wanna come out and get some lunch with us?”

“I just called Postmates. Thanks, though.”

“No problem.” Arin felt like he was being dismissed, but he stuck around stubbornly. “Maybe when I get back I can help get your computer set up. Maybe I can figure out where they put the rest of your stuff, too.”

Dan stopped writing or whatever he was doing. His rigid spine sagged and he sighed. Dan wasn’t a cold person by nature and he couldn’t completely ignore the olive branch that Arin was practically waving in his face. Finally, he spun in the chair to look at Arin. 

“That’d be great,” he said, sounding a little more like himself. “I - yeah, sure. I’d like that.”

Arin desperately wanted to hug him, but didn’t want to push too far too fast. “See you in a bit, then.”

“You too, big cat.”

The tips of Arin’s ears went warm to hear that name. 

**

A few days went by, and things were going back to normal. Dan was meeting Arin’s eyes again and smiling at his stupid jokes, and everything finally felt normal. 

Arin unpacked the boxes of Dan’s things and helped him get his own little space set up just the way he wanted. He set up Dan’s computer and changed the wallpaper to a stupid picture of himself, and it made him feel light and floaty when he heard Dan explode with laughter from halfway across the office after booting it up for the first time.

He’d been worried about the next round of recording - it would be the first time since the gym day that he’d be alone with Dan for hours - but when it came, Dan was one hundred percent himself. They sat as close as they always did, and it was like none of it had ever happened. The grip of unease loosened and Arin felt himself relax as he hadn’t been able to in what seemed like months.

When Arin paused the game and the recording equipment to take their habitual break, Dan left to refill his coffee. When he came back, Arin yawned dramatically and, without thinking, fell into his usual habit of leaning into Dan’s shoulder to be more comfortable on the couch. But it didn’t feel weird, and it didn’t feel any different - and Dan didn’t get weird about it either. Dan shifted too, tilting against the arm of the couch, and when Arin tried to move his head to a place on Dan’s body that wasn’t as bony as his shoulder, Dan huffed out a breath and said, “Come here, you fuck” and pushed Arin’s head into his lap.

“Okay,” Arin said, trying to hide the way his heart soared when Dan’s fingers ran through his hair. 

If he couldn’t have more, this was enough - more than enough.

Arin closed his eyes. Dan’s hand wandered from the crown of his head to the nape of his neck, and it hovered there for a second before Dan squeezed lightly. Arin groaned out loud and Dan laughed quietly as he kept it up, pushing his fingers over the tight muscle and back again. 

Arin sometimes sucked at taking hints, but this one was unmistakeable. Dan was acknowledging something in his own Dan-ish way. Arin thought it felt something like forgiveness. 

“What time is Suzy expecting you home?” Dan asked him as he moved to rub Arin’s shoulder.

“She’s not home,” Arin said, and yawned. “She’s spending the night with her friend Kat. She was gonna drive, but then there were cocktails, and, well.”

“Suzy drinks cocktails?”

“Almost never. Special occasions. Tomorrow they’re going out to look at wedding shit.”

“Sleepover,” Dan said, his fingers moved almost absently down Arin’s arm, where they curled around his bicep. “Aw, that’s cool.”

“Why do you ask? You wanna go out after and grab dinner, or something?”

“Sure,” Dan said easily. “Or, I don’t know. You could come over to my place and we could order something and watch a movie.”

“Yeah? That sounds - ” Arin almost stumbled over his words trying to rein in his excitement - “great, dude. Yeah, sure.” 

“You could,” Dan started, and now he sounded jumpy. “You could stay the night too, if you want. Since, you know. We’re going to work together in the morning anyway, so we can shoot all the Power Hours. Like you said in the meeting.”

Arin didn’t fully get why the question seemed so weighted or why Dan felt the need to explain himself - they’d slept at each other’s houses plenty of times, although it was rare to plan it in advance unless they were catching a flight together at some ungodly hour. But he wasn’t going to look the gift horse in the fucking asshole. He made himself wait a reasonable second to answer so that it wouldn’t look like he was overeager.

“I’d love to,” was all Arin said, and he hoped that was enough.

Dan squeezed his arm and there was a catch in his voice when he said, “Awesome.”

**

Arin thought the movie was probably good. Probably. He wasn’t really taking anything in, but Dan seemed engrossed. Dan looked at the screen the whole time, and maybe that was normal because they were supposed to be watching the screen. It was a movie, after all. That’s what they were for. To be watched.

Except this whole evening was feeling less like a night out with his best friend and more like two strangers sitting next to each other on a plane, or something. Arin tried to lean against Dan, casual, not like he was trying to put moves on him or something - just cuddling like they did so easily at work. Dan was accommodating enough but his shoulder felt tense and hard, and when he put his arm around Arin it didn’t feel at all like it usually did. 

Arin, feeling Dan grow more distant, was going to lose his fucking mind. He suffered through most of the movie in silence, but the breaking point was coming. Arin could only take so much. 

Arin was willing to do a lot of things for Dan. He was willing to shove all of his stupid fucking feelings way down where they would never be spoken of again, not even in his dreams - he was willing to pretend that he didn’t hear Dan’s throaty moan in his head when he jerked off in the shower, that he wasn’t constantly thinking of Dan’s artless angles and corners, his almost delicate waist, the curve of his back when he was laid out on Arin’s floor. Nothing was more important than Dan’s friendship, which Arin was willing to walk over blazing coals for. But this - refusing to even acknowledge what had happened - it was too much.

The one thing Arin could not do was live with the idea that what he had done was unforgivable. That it was so unspeakable that Dan couldn’t even look him in the eye and say that he was uncomfortable, or upset, or whatever the fuck. 

Arin couldn’t think of anything else. It crowded his brain, shot adrenaline through his body, brought the blood rushing to his face, and when the movie ended and Dan went to get up without looking at Arin, Arin sort of lost it. He grabbed Dan’s arm and said, “Dan, wait.”

Dan stilled. “What?”

“Just, fuck,” Arin said, trying to sound calm as he unravelled inside. “Look at me.”

“Why?” Dan asked, and maybe he could act like he didn’t fucking know, but when he finally looked into Arin’s eyes, the truth was there. Arin could see the fear there and it felt like a knife in his own stomach. 

“I can’t do it,” Arin told him, frustration making his voice come out rough. “I can’t keep ignoring what happened.” 

Dan’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed hard. “I thought we talked about it already.”

“Did we? I think I tried, and you shut me down.” Arin saw the accusation hit Dan hard, but he didn’t stop, didn’t give him a chance to retort. “I don’t even know what happened anymore, to be honest, but I can‘t sit here and watch you pretend like everything’s fine when it clearly fucking isn’t.”

Some of the fear in Dan’s eyes was turning hard and flinty. “It was just a massage,” he said, almost accusing. “You fucking said so, okay, and I heard you. I get it. Really. Maybe things aren‘t fine right now, but - they will be, alright? I just - need more time.”

It hurt worse than Arin would have thought to hear Dan say it to his face. “Why aren’t things fine?” he asked, slowly. He knew the answer but he needed this - he needed to hear Dan acknowledge how he felt.

Dan’s jaw worked. “You know why.”

“I want to hear you say it.”

“Don’t put this on me,” Dan said, through gritted teeth. “Don’t make me do this, Ar’. I’m - I’m trying, okay?” 

“Trying to what? Forget it happened? Well, that’s fucking great for you, but I can’t. I need to talk this out. If you’re mad at me - ” 

Dan cut him off. “I’m not mad,” he said, except he sounded kind of mad. “There’s just nothing else to say. You didn’t mean for it to happen. I appreciate you being upfront about that. I just thought - maybe - ” Whatever he was going to say seemed to get caught in his throat, and then all at once the anger was gone and Dan just looked lost and scared and sad, and it was too much for Arin to take. 

Arin hugged him. Dan was stiff for about one second, and that second was fucking awful, but then his back heaved and he hugged Arin back with a wild strength that caught Arin off guard. He clutched Arin’s back and shoved his face into Arin’s shoulder. Arin didn’t really know what the fuck was happening anymore, but fuck it, it didn’t matter. 

So Arin said, into Dan’s hair, “I’m sorry I hurt you.”

“You didn’t hurt me,” Dan breathed back. “I guess I was just confused.”

This was progress. “I get that,” Arin said. “We can’t always help what our bodies do, right?”

Dan made a huffing noise that Arin took for laughter, which loosened some of the tension. “Right.”

It was time to come clean, and Arin chose his words carefully. “I only wanted to make you feel good,” he said, the same way he had on that day. “I didn’t start off thinking that I was going to - you know.”

“Me neither.”

“I like making you feel good,” Arin said idiotically. It sounded better in his head. “Maybe - I got carried away, liking it too much. I’d never - you know I’d never do anything you didn’t want me to do. But for a second, I thought…that maybe you were enjoying it the same way I was, instead of…having a natural reaction that you just couldn’t help.” Unbidden, the image of Dan’s hips working rose to the front of Arin’s brain and took his breath away again. 

Dan’s grip loosened. Slowly, he drew back from the hug. His face was pink. “What?”

Arin was tired of circling around the issue. He wasn’t good at it. “I thought you wanted it too, okay? I thought we were both on the same page.” 

“You thought - ” Dan blinked. “What?”

“I know it’s stupid. Fuck, you don’t have to say that. I was a fucking idiot, I was thinking with my dick, and I - fuck, I don’t want to say this, but I don’t want to lie to you either. I’m not fucking, pining away with unrequited love here, but maybe, sometimes I’ve had thoughts about you.”

Dan swallowed. “Arin - ”

It was Arin’s turn to cut him off. “I know it’s wrong. I know it’s stupid. I don’t know why I lost control like that, but I promise you, it’ll never happen again.” 

Silence. Dan’s face was doing something weird that Arin couldn’t interpret. Arin shrugged helplessly, and then Dan said, “You said it was a mistake.” 

“Yeah. I mean, I’m not a fucking creep or anything.” 

“You said it was just a massage.”

“Yeah. Dan, are you okay?”

“I don’t know,” Dan said, a little desperately. “I don’t know what the fuck is happening anymore. I just, I’ve been sitting here feeling like a fucking freak, and now you go and tell me that - Arin, fuck - ”

“Why would you feel like a freak?” Arin asked, completely bewildered at this point.

Dan laughed, a little wildly. “I don’t know, Arin. You don’t think I’m a freak for - for humping the fucking floor while my best friend just tries to give me a normal massage?”

“Um,” Arin said, trying to process all of those words at once. “Maybe, if said friend wasn’t grinding his dick into your thigh and putting his hands all over your ass?”

Dan blushed. Of course Dan would fucking blush. He had no right to look that innocent. Actually, it should be illegal for him to sit there with his bottom lip caught between his teeth as Arin was trying to explain to him how it was definitely possible for him to ignore how much he wanted Dan.

“I thought you said it was just a massage,” Dan said, still accusing, but there was an odd tone in his voice that Arin didn’t recognize right away.

“We’ve been over this. It started out that way, but - ” Arin cleared his throat, and his face felt even hotter than before. “Dan, what are you saying?”

“You’re the one that said you didn’t mean for it to happen.”

“I didn’t,” Arin said honestly. “I mean - I - ” A dim light bulb went on somewhere in the back of his head and it dawned on him, finally. “You thought I was telling you that I regretted it.”

“Weren’t you?”

“Only if - if you didn’t feel the same way.”

“Arin, I came in my fucking pants. What the fuck did you think I was feeling?”

Arin looked at him. Then he pinched his arm quickly, just to make sure he was awake and that this was happening. “You liked it too,” he blurted.

Dan looked at him, disbelieving. “You’re serious.”

“What do you mean, I’m serious!”

Dan threw up his hands. “I’m not the crazy one here, am I? You said no homo. Your own fucking words.”

Arin spluttered a little. “Well, fucking, jesus, Dan, I didn’t know - and I didn’t ask - and you didn’t either, and - then I held you down and - ”

Dan opened his mouth and nothing came out. Finally, he managed, “Yeah, um, yeah, that was - kind of what did it for me.”

That stopped Arin from spluttering. Really, what could he possibly say in response to that? He stared at Dan, speechless, stomach fizzing with something like hope, and fuck, something else was stirring too, and he was rapidly losing the ability to think straight. “You can’t just - you can’t just say that, alright,” he managed, weakly. “Fuck, Dan.”

“Why not?” And then Dan cocked a little half smile, all Danny Sexbang charm with none of the camp, and fuck if Dan wasn’t _flirting_ with him now. “It’s a little too late for modesty, isn’t it?”

Arin’s mouth opened and closed. He said, “I need to hear - I need to hear that we’re on the same page now, okay? Talk to me like I‘m stupid or something, but fuck, just - I need to hear you tell me.”

“Tell you what?”

“That you wanted it too.” Arin’s head was swimming, memories playing in his mind. The way Dan’s back arched, the way his ass fit in Arin’s hands, the swoop in Arin’s stomach at feeling all of that bare skin… “That you wanted - that it wasn’t just what we did, but that it was - ” Fuck, his brain had turned to mush. He swallowed and said, “It wasn’t just a one time thing for me, you know?”

“Really, Ar’?” Dan’s tone was teasing and his eyes were dancing but Arin could see the sincerity in them, an echo of some of the yearning Arin had learned to stifle for so many goddamn years. “It wasn’t just what we did. Of course it was you. Maybe I’ve been having thoughts about you, too. Maybe I’ve been a big fucking coward for a long time.”

“Just maybe?” Arin could fight fire with fire. He could flirt too.

Dan reached out to cup his jaw, the same way he had back before this happened, when Arin was laying in his lap and Dan was rubbing his head. He looked into Arin’s eyes this time, though, and there was nothing friendly or casual about it. Arin thought of all the things they needed to say, all the things they should have said, how gorgeous Dan looked when he laughed and how badly Arin wanted to kiss those freckles on his shoulders and the scar on his back. He thought about Dan’s eyes on his arms when he flexed, of Dan wearing the cologne Arin said he liked to the gym - 

“No maybes,” Dan said softly, and kissed him.


End file.
